Monthly archives: December, 2014

Varietals of Holiday Texts I Received Today

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1 weird .gif from this one.

1 very nice message from a guy who friend-zoned me after admitting my unrequited feelings

1 generic Merry Christmas message from a random ex I haven’t communicated with since his last text on Thanksgiving, wishing me another generic holiday message.

8 streamed Christmas emoji messages in a row from a dude I simply have listed as “Jay” in my phone. Jay, have we ever been on a date? Did we ever meet?

1 from the 22 year old I was dating for awhile this fall who usually just sends me frowny faces or “I’m thinking about you” messages but hasn’t asked me on an actual date since September.

1 holiday wish from one who has been making dates with me and then bailing on all of them for the last 9 months and then who later confessed to me he’s interested in being a swinger.

Not that I don’t appreciate the happy holidays and the merry Christmases, but my best friend doesn’t send me a generic text on Christmas. My family doesn’t send me streams of Christmas emojis. What makes ex boyfriends/generic men of my life seem to think it’s a good time to get in touch?

So Christmas makes it an easy excuse for contact? Of course no one will complain that you crafted that mass text message to all the hoes listed in your contacts, because, awwwww, you thought of me. You find all the single childless women you want to put your candy cane in and hope one will get busy with you under the tree this year? Well I’m calling some bullshit. This is some damned e-maintenance wrapped up in a big crappy emoji Christmas bow and good wishes.

Guess what? You want to get in on some holiday action with me? GIVE ME A DAMNED PRESENT. Not because I need or want presents, but that’s what you would do if we were actually dating. Maybe contact me the day after Christmas, even next week. Ask how I’m celebrating, ask what Santa brought me. Call me, for the love of Jesus and the manger.

Just don’t expect to fawn all over myself because you were just so thoughtful to think of me during this holiday season, because emojis are not impressive dude.

Merry Christmas, y’all.

-Melinda

P.S. a very nice guy I haven’t actually met yet actually phoned me last night to talk and to say Merry Christmas. I was so taken aback, I about peed my pants. And then, he made a DATE. Time and place and all. So I guess Christmas miracles are possible.

Unplug and Look Up – JWReese

I almost got hit by a car today because I was trying to update my Facebook status while walking. Knowing it was pretty much my fault I just kinda sped up and avoided eye contact with the probably irritated driver. This incident, while minor, made me question how many other things I’m missing because of my phone… my distraction… my way to avoid eye contact when I’m nervous.

How many times have I been too into my phone to realize that someone is trying to get my attention or actually hit on me? I know this might be a pretty clumsy metaphor (hit by a car… hit on by someone) but still think about it. How often have I been too worried about updating my Facebook status that I missed the opportunity to change my relationship status? Smart phones and social media have made me very available in many ways, but at the same time so incredibly distant from even the person I’m sitting right next to.

At this point the classic romantic scene of kissing in the rain doesn’t even exist because you would get a weather alert on your phone before that could even happen. I am in no way saying I am desperately looking for a mate. I am a firm believer that when you least expect it you will meet someone who will suddenly be perfect for you at that moment in both of your lives. I am however saying that unless I unplug and look up every now and then how will I even know who is looking back?

JWReese