Category «single life»

DISAGREED: Anti-Tinder Tries to Solve Online Dating’s Creepiness Problem

You may have seen this article today in the Huffington Post Tech about the new dating app, Hinge. Well, new to Chicago, and that means new to me. Hinge sends you 6 matches a day, based on your larger social media network. So you’re connected to friends of friends who have also signed up for the app.

I’ve been a Hinge user for a few months. I don’t check it all the time, I only have the app on my iPad, and last night I signed on in to look at my daily matches.

So turns out Hinge is actually the creepiest goddamned dating app I’ve ever used.

Because…

It matched me with a kid I used to babysit in 1996.

DISAGREED: Anti-Tinder Tries to Solve Online Dating’s Creepiness Problem

A few notes on that point.

A) I’m not from Chicago. I grew up 3 hours south in a small town. There are maybe 30 people in the city from my hometown. This kid and I grew up a block away from each other. My mother has known his mother since like 1989 when she was pregnant with this kid.

B) My first… serious boyfriend… (first. serious. boyfriend. Get it?) is his cousin. They share the same last name.

So Hinge brings to me the people I know, attempting to be anti-creepy, but actually provides maybe the creepiest match I’ve ever gotten.

AND thus provides the story of my dating life.

[drops mic]

Melinda

The Less Than 36 Hour Relationship

This is how a get together, relationship, and breakup occurred within less than 36 hours.

Sunday, 4:09 PM

Browse through Tinder. Swipe right on a 24 year old, 7 years your junior, because against my better judgement, well, he’s cute. Tada! You match.

4:15 PM

Cute kid sends a message. I insist he’s too young, he disagrees.

4:15 – 8:30 PM

Send witty Tinder messages. Exchange numbers. Send witty text messages.

8:31 PM

“Hey it’s D—. It too late to meet up tonight?” Says he’ll be there to pick me up in 30 minutes. Arrives early, am half naked. Throw on some random outfit and run outside to his car in the rain. Head to neighborhood hotspot.

10:00 PM

2 drinks in. Cuter than ever. Discuss music, politics, school, career. Bat eyes in the booth.

12:05 AM

Drives me home. Kisses me in the car. Invites himself in.

1:21 AM

Departs back to the North side.

Monday, 9:29 AM

Receive text message referring to last night’s conversation.

9:52 AM

Add him on gchat.

10:15 AM

Gchat friend about the kid. Explain how he has his shit together more than last ex, though is only 24 years old. Friend reminds me having his shit together more than your last ex isn’t a difficult feat. Ah yes.

10:15 AM – 5:05 PM

Spend day communicating, exchanging music recommendations, sending witty gchats. Looking at his public photos on Facebook, Googling his name.

7:22 PM

Text messages:

D: I know you’re interested in me.

Me: You do huh?

8:47 – 9:41 PM

Launch texting debate/argument about empathy, social justice, and social issues. Get turned off by young Republican propaganda. Stop texting.

11:02 PM

Text message inviting me over. Consider it, but remember parking in his yuppy neighborhood is impossible.

11:07 PM

Reconsider and inquire about his stock in prophylactics.

11:07-11:31 PM

Have argument about using prophylactics. Get accused of having an STI for insisting on using prophylactics.

11:31 PM

Receive the following text message referring to opinion on safe sex:

“That’s the gayest shit I’ve ever heard in my life.”

11:32 PM

Explain that it’s actually the straightest conversation as there was discussion of heterosexual sex.

12:03 AM

Text: “That frat boy persona you got going on is not cute.” Block from Tinder and Google Voice. Go to sleep.

Note to self: Do not date 24 year olds and/or Republicans. 

-Melinda

P.S. We had the whole “where is this going” chat at about hour 20.